Thursday, November 25, 2010

I Am Going to Die. Only Not Really.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Okay so. I'm writing this here because I am really desperate for a place to rant, and I haven't posted here in a while. I wish I could be posting something lighthearted and fun after such a long absence, but no. Life is just mean like that.

I've always been really good at Psychology. I really like it. Even in college, when I forgot about a test and didn't study for it and was half-asleep when I came to class, I got an 89 without much effort. So naturally my grade in that class is rather high.

So today I found out that if I don't submit seven research critiques, ALL OF MY HARD WORK GOES DOWN THE CRAPPER.

No literally. It actually says in our syllabus:
"You must collect a total of 8 credits; failure to do so will
result in a grade of "F" for the course, regardless of your
grades on the hourly exams, activities, and homework."

What the hell, professor?! You can't just null and void all of my hard work for one stupid grade that's not even counted as an actual grade!! You could at least talk about it more in class! Or, like, when I ask, "So when's the deadline for these again?", like TWO WEEKS AGO, you could say "Oh, lulz, it's next week. Good luck!" instead of "Lulz there's no deadline unless you count the end of the semester as a deadline." You lied to me! There was a deadline and you failed to mention it!

I have never even written a research critique before today. I did not know what was expected of me. I'm lucky I know someone who has written them, because otherwise I would be totally lost. I wouldn't know where to start. I thought I had those accommodations in class for a REASON: I need little reminders! You're a psychologist; don't you understand what I go through to keep my grades up?!

I admit I should have done this ahead of time. I admit I was in the wrong for not being responsible and completing these when I had plenty of time. But can you blame me? I absolutely suck at long-term deadlines, and we NEVER talked about any of these things in class! You could at least mention it once in a while! It's really not that hard! I didn't even know where to sign up for experiments, or when new ones were available! I checked my e-mail, but I never got any news about new experiment opportunities whenever I looked! It's like they only came when I wasn't looking! I have never used so many exclamation points before!

And another thing, that list of online journals that you say are available online? Yeah, I can't access ANY of them!! You say to use the school library's website to access them. Guess what?! I CAN'T ACCESS THE DATABASE FROM HOME. And whose craptastic idea was it to have the deadline be the day after Thanksgiving anyway?! What kind of sick, cruel freak do you have to be to do this to me?! I have never failed a course before in my life, and now you just spring this crap on me?! Do you get some sort of sick pleasure out of screwing with my happiness?! "Yeah, Happy Thanksgiving, you stupid little snots! Rot in eternal misery and scramble to finish your stupid critiques that I probably won't read anyway!" I was planning to see some friends I haven't seen in MONTHS tomorrow, and instead I'm going to be at the library trying to find scientific journals on your stupid list because nothing's available to me at home!

Oh, you know what, actually, I COULD access those online articles. IF I PAID $34 PER ARTICLE. I don't even want to figure out how much that would be for seven of them! Do you know how much we're getting for Christmas this year?! Not a lot! My brother and I are getting ONE GIFT EACH for Christmas this year, and this godforsaken school has sucked up every cent we have (and many we don't)! Now you want me to dole out even MORE money we don't have so I can write ONE stupid paper per exorbitantly-priced article?! How do I even know I'll be interested?! They all have ridiculous titles like "Major Depressive Disorder With Subthreshold Bipolarity in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication." I didn't even know some of those words were WORDS, and I'm pretty good at like memorizing the dictionary!! Comorbidity has got to be the most unattractive word I've ever seen! I don't think I want to write about it! And if I pay $34 for a cluster of words and they turn out to be about something stupid, I will just lay down and cry.

Also, what ever happened to being on BREAK?! Friday is part of the break too! The college is CLOSED. Why is there a due date in the middle of break?! It's unfair and stupid. And at least if there IS a due date during break, do you think you could be a little more accessible to desperate students who are just trying so hard not to fail and are sending you frenzied e-mails asking for help?! I don't care if it's Thanksgiving; if I don't get to have a break, then neither should you.

Well, I hope you're happy. You will be singly responsible for ruining my academic record. You already are singularly responsible for completely ruining my day, my holiday, and my emotional state. Congratulations. If there is one thing I'm thankful for today, it's that at least I can cry my eyes out in the comfort of my own home.

Happy flipping Thanksgiving indeed.